When we are in the midst of divorce it is very difficult to experience anything but the pain, disappointment, hurt and anguish related to that experience. That’s only natural. But very often, looking back in hindsight, we can find meaning, relevance, valuable lessons and insights that were the direct result of those major life challenges. Without that life-altering event we would not become the successes we are today.
Many people look upon that result as the “gift” they received from the experience – the wisdom they gleaned, the turning point they needed to move on to a new chapter in their lives. They look back and can say the lesson was tough, but they don’t regret it in the least.
I believe divorce can be looked upon as one of those “gifts” and life lessons if we choose to look for the reward. Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you discover some perhaps unacknowledged rewards that have resulted from your divorce:
1. Did you learn something of value as a result of this experience?
2. Who are you today that you would not have been had you not divorced?
3. Do you see inner wisdom or strength that makes you proud?
4. Have you made decisions that are more supportive of your life and values?
5. Do you like yourself better?
6. Have you found new career directions or new meaning in life as a direct result of your divorce?
If you can’t yet answer yes to any of these questions, give yourself time. Perhaps you have not fully moved through the inner and outer transitions resulting from your divorce. Perhaps you are still holding on to resentment, anger, jealousy or other negative emotions that are keeping you from experiencing the freedom from old programming and patterns.
I believe there is a gift in every tough experience in our lives – if we choose to see it. And why shouldn’t we put our energy in that direction? What good does it do to hold on to a past that has slipped away – or to people who are not giving us the love and support we deserve? When we let go of the past, we open the door to a new future – and only then can we empower ourselves to create that future as a much better outcome for ourselves and those we love.
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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! The book provides fill-in-the-blank templates for customizing a personal family storybook that guides children through this difficult transition with optimum results. For more information about the book, Rosalind’s free articles and free ezine visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com
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