Five Secrets for Creating Peace After Divorce with your Ex-spouse

Five Secrets for Creating Peace After Divorce with your Ex-spouse ~

© 2011 Debra Brown Gordy, MS MRET.  All Rights Reserved.

Peace.  Our hearts and lives often yearn for more peace.  As conflict rages in many parts of the world, and within many lives and families, the question that begs to be answered is:  How can each of us individually create the peace that our hearts crave?  Specifically, how can you create more peace with your ex-spouse after your divorce?

A timeless question more important than ever!  As I am sure with you, and many other divorced parents, I have learned through experience that peace does begin within.  When my heart, mind & soul are still and at peace within myself, it is so much easier to be at peace with others, including a former spouse!

Below are 5 timeless secrets, plus 1 Flourish Self-care tool I have found that restore my inner peace, and that of my clients.

In this time of renewal and new beginnings, may Joy and Love abound in your heart and may you reconnect with the deep peace within yourself, and with your family.

1)  Reconsider your premises and your perceptions.  Is what you perceive true?  Really true?  How do you know it is true?  More families have come apart, more divorces have occurred, and more wars have been fought because of false premises and inaccurate perceptions than can be counted.

Consider that your perceptions are subjective, the feelings you have based on your perceptions are similarly subjective, and they both just might be worthy of reconsidering.

Begin by choosing a better feeling perception – a better feeling thought.    Consider that there might be another way of seeing your situation, or your ex, a way that creates better feelings within you, and more peace with the other parent of your children.
2) Respons-ability.  Deepak Chopra teaches that responsibility is simply the ability to respond.  When we take responsibility for something, we own our part of a situation or event, first to ourselves, and then to others involved.  Then we own our power to create something new, by choosing differently.  As simple as this sounds, it is a powerful tool to restore peace within ourselves, and with our former spouses and children.

3)  Get to the bottom of the underlying reasons for your lack of peace – and heal and release them.
  We live in a causal universe – there is a reason for everything, including those times that you might not be experiencing peace in your life after your divorce.

Getting to the bottom of these underlying reasons that disrupt your peace, joy, happiness and innate God-given purpose and potential for flourishing, is something we all must to do to experience ultimate peace, harmony & joy, and full flourishing.

The best way I know of to do this, is through one of my amazing Spiritual Energy Healing programs, including Flourish Life & Relationship Coaching.  My newest divorced women’s program, From Crisis to Catalyst, guides women through the process and teaches awesome tools for restoring peace to your life and family after divorce.   It starts again in February, so click the link to learn how you can benefit.

4)  Meditate. 
Yes – meditate.  Meditation can bring you back from the stressors of divorce, and parenting as a divorced parent, to your innate state of peace and equilibrium faster than almost anything else I know of outside of Spiritual Energy Healing and Flourish Coaching.

The research into the benefits of meditation is astounding and growing.  If you don’t meditate now - begin.  If you don’t know how -then learn.   Fifteen minutes a day is a great beginning.
5)  Forgive yourself.  This may one may surprise you.  Like many people, are you harder on yourself than anyone else?  A funny thing about that is that when we are hard with others, it is often really a projection of our being hard on ourselves.  As soon as you come to realize that you have made a mistake, or a different choice may be more effective for you, forgive yourself and make a new choice, with this quick Flourish Self-care technique:

  • Place your hand over your heart center, breathe in consciously and easily, rub in a circular direction that feels good to you, while saying something like this: “I deeply and completely love and accept myself, with all my humanness and life lessons.  I forgive myself for_________ (fill in the blank);  I was doing the best I could at the time, I am now choosing to make a new choice that serves me and those I love to our highest and best good.  I love all parts of me, even those parts that may not feel that I deserve forgiveness, and I love and accept myself and will continue to love myself.”  

You choose the words that fit the best for you in your situation.  Then breathe it in easily, and go on to make a new choice – a choice for more peace within and more peace with your ex.
By incorporating these five secrets and timeless principles and this easy-to-use Flourish Self-care tool, you will quickly begin to feel and see more peace in your inner life reflected in all your relationships, including the one you have with your ex-spouse.

The peace the world and your family are craving for begins with you.  Begin today.


Debra Brown Gordy, MS MRET is the founder of The Sophia Women’s Institute, where she teaches divorced women the secrets for flourishing in life and love, after divorce.  Her ground-breaking women’s group coaching program, From Crisis to Catalyst:  The Awakening Woman’s Program for Healing from Your Divorce, Rebuilding Your Life, and Reclaiming Your Dreams, guides divorced and divorcing women through a 7-step process of restoring peace to their lives and their families, after divorce, and begins again in February, 2012.


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