The end of a marriage and the divorce that follows is quite obviously never easy, is it?
The break is never a simple and clean break. You’re ripping apart something that was knit together in front of friends and family, and if you have children it is even more sensitive.
But the hard fact is, just because it’s over doesn’t mean that it’s actually over. In most cases, there is the fact that your lives are still intertwined, and most likely will continue to be for a very long time. The reality is, you still have the outcome of your life together to deal with after you’ve decided to divorce and live life apart.
So how to you maintain your sanity after divorce?
First, start with dealing with the hurt in your own life. If you tell yourself the truth, you will see that you’ve already broken it off. You don’t owe them anything, nor do they owe you. It’s over- the divorce has been finalized, and this is where the statement, “In acceptance lyeth peace” comes in. Accept it. You don’t have to work through fights with them anymore. You don’t have to talk it out. It’s over, and you’re both moving on.
So move on. But what does that mean? Let the past stay in the past. Don’t rehash it. Again, you’ve already taken the steps needed to deal with the hurt you were causing one another, so there’s no need to keep trying to fight through things.
Many divorcees, upon seeing one another will immediately see the person that they lived with for all of those years. They’ll bring up inside themselves all of the hurt and frustration that they felt back then. And often, the couple will immediately go straight into the same old fights and the same routine that ended the marriage in the first place.
The fact is, you have to live in the now. You’re not together, and you don’t need to hash things out as if you were.
After Divorce- Look for the positives in one another
Take the time to look for progress in one another. Sure, this may not seem like something you’d really want to do, but it will help. Look at your ex the same way you look at everyone else. Push past the tendency to put on them every single thing that went wrong in the marriage as soon as you see them. More than likely, they’re changing and growing, just like you are, and they deserve to be looked at with the same respect you’d want them to look at you with.
It basically comes down to the golden rule. Do to them what you’re wanting them to do to you. You don’t want them to bring up a bunch of old issues that caused the divorce in the first place. You don’t want them to once again point out all of your flaws and faults and every mistake you make day to day. So don’t do that to them. Leave it be.
Take the time to still yourself and leave the old junk behind now that the divorce has been finalized. It will truly set you free. You know that you don’t want to walk around carrying all of that anyway. Once you have the divorce firmly behind you , you will be a happy and healthier individual.