There are two basic routes that spouses can look to travel when facing a divorce. Divorce mediation, or a traditional divorce, administered through the court system. The difference between the two is exponential and should not be taken lightly, nor should the effects that each option has on you, as well as your children.
If you step back and look at it, unless the situation is exceedingly abusive and dangerous, there’s little to be desired in the choice of letting the courts work things out for you. No one wants to be treated like a child or bossed around. But once it goes all the way before the court, the decisions are in their hands. You’re no longer dealing with free will and flexibility anymore, but obligation and court order.
Own your decisions. That may sound a bit funny, but it’s a good concept to keep in mind. It’s no secret that the mere act of divorce is going to cause a rift in your life. If you’re reading this, there’s most likely already a major rift going on in your life. Allowing things to become so volatile that they require law enforcement to make decisions for you and your spouse can never be a healthy thing.
Again, your best bet for your own mental health, as well as your spouse’s and children’s will be to have both parties feel that they’ve had a deciding role to play in the final results and outcome of the divorce.
Divorce : Why Mediation can be a great asset
This is where mediation is a great asset. Many do not realize the deep psychological help that a good divorce mediator can give to this already emotionally charged situation. We all know very well that it’s not going to help to simply keep fighting, screaming and resenting, a peaceable solution is key to healing.
That needs to be your focus. This is what will help everyone move on in the long run.
In cases and situations where a divorce has gone through with the oversight of a judge, there have been serious and long term effects on both spouses, as well as the children. Hurt will tend to run very deeply when people lose their choices in life. This is what happens when the law has to step in, you lose, to the greater part, your personal freedom to decide how things will go.
This also tends toward a mentality of victimization. You’ll hear people say, “They did this to me!” They choices were put in the hands of someone else, their power to decide their fate was taken away, and in the end, they feel violated.
This, of course, runs down to the children as well. They can’t help but feel it. The parents are bitter and angry. The parents feel powerless and simply have to obey the powers that be. They don’t actually ‘own’ any of the decisions that were made regarding the separation. Thus, the child feels powerless as well.
A mediator is an ideal solution for all of this.
Divorce Mediators Are A Neutral Party
A divorce mediator will be a neutral party, standing in as a communicator for both spouses. Sitting between the two parties, they are partial to neither, and will be an all encompassing aid to getting the couple through this rough time.
The mediator will be sure that every aspect of the divorce is covered and decided upon. From finances, pets, possessions, assets and children, no stone will be left unturned.
This puts the decision making power within the hands of the divorcing couple. The ripple effect from this will be tremendous. In the same manner that the powerlessness of a traditional divorce effects the family and children, so will the empowering effects of a divorce mediator effect all involved.
As the parents are able to talk and work out compromises and agreements as to what will happen in every decision, they gain confidence and control over the entire situation. The mediator provides a safe environment for discussion and challenging ideas. Both voices are able to be heard, discussed, as well as critiqued and spoken to with unbiased judgement. They’re not being subject to law, and therefore now have freedom and flexibility to adjust to one another without fear of legal recourse.
The child will truly benefit from this freedom. And after the divorce, the parents will be able to proceed with clarity and vision instead of anger, anxiety and frustration.