Divorce, Children and Parenting

Whether a couple is married or divorced, they have the responsibility to be a continuous part of their children’s lives.  After a divorce, this can prove to be an exponentially difficult venture because they will be living without each other yet loving and taking care of their child together.  Divorce has the ability to completely change the schedules and routines of everyone that is involved which is why it is imperative to maintain some sort of normalcy for your children. A parents divorce can dramatically affect a child within all aspects of their life including those that revolve around school and family.

Divorce is not the child’s fault

One factor that should constantly be monitored is whether the child believes that the divorce is their fault.  The majority of children may take it upon themselves to take the blame for their parents to break up and they will exert massive amounts of energy in order to rebuild the family unit that they once had.  As per a psychological study, “Few children are relieved by the initial decision to separate because no matter how bad the family situation is, it gives them vital support and protection.”

As per the agreements that are laid out within a divorce agreement, it is inevitable that at least one parent will have a decreased amount of time with their child.  This can all be determined by the agreements set via custodial terms and visitation rights.  Although one parent may see less of the child, they are still responsible for nurturing their children for as long as they live.  One common factor that affects divorced families more often than not is when a parent becomes estranged and drifts away from the parent who has custody and the children involved.

Divorce can can place enormousness stress on a child

Although the stresses of divorce can prove to bear a toll on the children, the parents are also in a state of shock.  Maintaining a lasting relationship for an extended length of time allows two individuals to become comfortable with sharing bills, sharing a living space, and sharing love.  Unfortunately when the love diminishes and both of the parents are living by themselves, it can prove to be difficult for them to handle.  Many times divorced couples will experience an increased amount of financial setbacks due to being unprepared to live off of one income.

Isolina Ricci, the author of Mom’s House, Dad’s House significantly describes what happens when one spouse doesn’t agree to having a “decent divorce.”  She goes on to explain how they will be angry at their past spouse if they move on to have a second relationship.  Ricci explains how the terrible after effects of the first divorce may affect the father in his second relationship or marriage which will inevitably lead that to fail as well.  This can prove to lead to the remarried spouse spending more heartache and time on their past relationship than they ever have before.

Determining how to effectively comfort your child after a divorce is a skill that should be learned by both parents regardless of the custodial agreements.  They are responsible for watching their child’s behavior to see how they are coping with the new arrangements and to analyze how well they are able to adjust to the divorce.  If the child begins to show problems in coping, it is imperative that you seek out a professional for them to speak with.

Although divorce signifies that the marriage is done, it doesn’t signify that the family has completely broken apart.  Even though the two parents may not be husband and wife, they will remain to be Mom and Dad.  Even though the responsibilities of being married are dropped, there are still the responsibilities of being parents that they need to account for as well.  If one or both of the parents begin to withdraw from the child, it can prove to be extremely harmful.  Children will experience a variety of different emotions that they will not understand and they will begin to question them.  It is imperative that the children feel like they can speak to both of the parents and be able to express their love to both of the parents equally.  Trust is what makes a family unit work and so it is imperative that trust remains between the children and both of the parents.

Co-parenting is the most important aspect after the divorce. Both parents must try to gain a sense of stability so that their children can thrive. Parents who have originally came from a divorced family clearly understand how divorce works within the life of a child.  For example, if the divorce occurs while the child is young yet old enough to understand the term “ divorce ”, they are more likely to be affected by this change rather than if they were an infant.  It is important to remember that although a relationship may be ending, the families responsibilities are not.

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