It can be argued and contested that no one suffers more dramatically in a divorce situation than the children involved. And though unpleasant, it is absolutely imperative for the soon to be ex-spouses to take a long hard look at this subject as they head down the path that they’ve found themselves on.
Divorce , Children and the Parents Role:
Children look to their parents as the creators of their world. Little is more important to them than that stability and source of validation and comfort. From the moment they’re born, they’re learning from you, and looking to you for anything and everything.
They learn from the parents how to deal with hardship and stress. They glean each and every action. In fact, it’s proven that children learn far more from what they’ve seen their parents doing than by what their parents say to them. This distinction is important.
As you’re going through the divorce , the children have their eyes on you. They may be watching even more so than ever before. They’re learning a lesson here, and it’s up to the parents to see to it that the lesson is life giving, and will help them in the long run, or if it’s a destroying lesson that will rip apart their world.
Of course, it’s never going to be a terribly happy or joyful experience to go through a divorce, that’s a given. But the damaged caused by the divorce on the children can, and most certainly should be minimized to whatever degree possible.
After the Divorce – Children Need Stability
To start, begin by developing stability for the child. Since the crux of the child’s stability is being separated and ended, it is very important that they have someone in their lives that they can find rest with. Everyone needs a constant. This could be a family member, or a friend’s family. It doesn’t matter the relation, what truly matters is their commitment to the child. If the child knows that they’re not going anywhere, it will be one more aid in helping them through this.
Secondly, and this goes along with the first suggestion, give the child an outlet. Children need a safe place to express themselves and find solace. Sometimes anger will be building up inside of them, and they have no way to get it out.
Often times, the children will go out of their way to suppress emotions of anger, rage and frustration because they may believe in their mind that they are the cause or source of the marital problems. Helping them find a way to let these emotions out can literally save their lives.
Sometimes this can be through a creative outlet. Other times it can be an aggressive sport. But most times what they’ll be needing is a chance to vent, yell, talk and cry. They can get bottled up like ticking time bombs, and will need the parents support to know that they won’t be making things worse by showing and exposing just how vulnerable they feel.
Handle the young ones with care, and know that if you’re having a hard time, they’re likely having a hard time. Getting them the help and aid that they need can be one of the best investments of your time that you spend.