Divorce is never an easy thing and can cause a lot of stress and unhappiness. Divorce with children is even that much harder, as it affects everyone that is involved. No one ever hopes to get married with the intention of getting divorced, so many times when it happens it is a shock as well. Yet as a parent we need to be able to deal with the divorce and at the same time be the strong one there for the kids to help them with their feelings as well. A divorce is a very difficult thing to handle and when there is child custody as well it can make it more difficult.
As it is a very emotional time for everyone it can be even more so for the children. Let’s take a look at 5 tips to be a better parent after divorce:
Stick to routines and schedules
This is very important. Divorce and all that goes with it causes a lot of upheaval in the family unit. There is disorganization and this can throw a child off. It’s important to them in light of everything that is going on that they still have structure in their life. This also proves to them that you love them, if you are taking the time to keep schedules and enforce rules. Children will be less anxious as well with guidelines. It’s also comforting to them to know that not ever thing has to change. They still may complain about certain chores or schedules yet they do appreciate it.
After the Divorce, Continue to be a parent
It is so easy when going through child custody & divorce to sort of slack off on the children. We often think those poor kids are hurting enough I will just take it easy on them. Children need us as parents to be role models and set limits, even though they act like they don’t like them, they do appreciate them. It shows them that you care and that you are in charge. They need this as a divorce brings a lot of uncertainty they need something certain and controlled in their life.
Be the better person
Divorce with children can be extremely hard and most often there is a lot of hard feelings and resentment. This should never be portrayed to the children. You need to do your best to not badmouth your spouse in front of the children. The last thing you want to do is to destroy the image of your spouse in the eyes of your child; parental alienation should always be avoided.Your job as a parent is to put the welfare of your children first and hearing you bad mouth their other parent will cause lots of damage. This would be to the child as well to their feelings towards you.
Life is not perfect
As mentioned earlier we don’t get married with plans to one day deal with child custody & divorce. Yet it’s ok, in a positive way, to let your children know that this is life. No matter how hard we work on life it sometimes doesn’t work. This is okay as they are life’s lessons.
For a child whose parents have gone through a divorce, life is fragile.
I don’t think anyone is too young to learn this lesson. It’s okay for your child to know that sometime things in life don’t work out. Yet we don’t give up and we learn.
So as mentioned earlier as not nice as divorce is it can teach us many things. It can also show us how to be a better parent after divorce.
In the DivorceCures self help tab we have numerous products for parents who are going through the divorce process.