- Fighting in front of the children: studies show this does the most damaging
- Failing to remind children that none of this is in any way their fault – they are innocent
- Forgetting to emphasize that Mom and Dad will still always be their Mom and Dad — even after divorce!
- Confiding adult details to children in order to attract their allegiance or sympathy:creates guilt and confusion within kids because they’re not prepared to handle it.
- Asking children to bear the weight of making decisions or choosing sides.
- Using your children as spies to provide you information about your ex.
- Using your children as intermediaries: providing messages, answering questions and communicating with your ex in your absence.
- Putting down, disrespecting or in any way alienating the other parent:devastating, confusing – makes them feel guilty for loving their other parent.
- Lying to the children to justify decisions you made that disrespect their other parent: they’ll resent you when they are grown adults.
- Neglecting to repeatedly remind children that they are safe, innocent and very much loved.
These are some of the most common messages that parents fail to convey because they’re just not prepared — and probably quite scared!
To access Rosalind Sedacca’s blog, free weekly ezine and free ebook — Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right!, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com. Article by Rosalind Sedacca, CCT